Stan Calvert 2018: LIVE

Posted by Simon Rushworth

Stan Calvert 2018: LIVE

Welcome to the LIVE FEED of this year's Stan Calvert Cup 2018 where we'll be bringing you the latest action from across the city as Northumbria University power towards a fifth successive victory.

It's important to stress that all views held by those contributing to this feed in no way represent Northumbria University but rather the heartfelt and honestly held opinion of those steeped in Stan Calvert Cup history. Look away now if a bit of friendly banter and good craic raises your hackles. But we will always strive to be polytically correct...

As usual we've got a dedicated squad of Media Team members posted at every major venue - follow them on Twitter for the scores on the doors:









And it seems Dan 'Dynamite' Simmonite has already netted a prime spot at the Northumberland Club with the Stan Calvert Tennis competition well underway...



And just to recap the current score is 39-13.  

Well this is unexpected - if rather welcome news - as yet another Newcastle Univeristy student decides Stan Calvert 2018 isn't their bag (following on from the concession of both Rugby League fixtures yesterday and the decision to dodge today's Gaelic Football clash):



And it wouldn't be Stan Calvert Sunday without the annual Churchillian address from our proud leader. If these stirring words don't make you want to daub your face in black and red, tear down the Newcastle University balustrades and stand atop the Town Moor singing songs about our famous instutution's former name then you're clearly not Northumbria through and through



While there's a lull in the action (and a few more Newcastle students submit their sick notes) let me introduce you to the 2018 TN Media Team. From l-r: Oscar, Dan, Johnathan, Patrick, Matthias, Benedict 



Looking forward to a ding dong at the ping pong? Get over to Sport Central NOW where Dave Godbold and the gang will be serving up some of the best action of the day!



This just in from Johnathan 'Battering' Ramsay as the hoops action hots up:



Looks like the TN basketball players on the bench today are, quite literally, on the bench. Did Newcastle Uni raid my old primary school in 1979 to secure this retro seating? If there's a Northumbria student - or member of staff - anywhere in the North East with links to the soft furnishings business please, please send some cushions to our boys soon. Nobody deserves a numb bum on Stan Calvert Sunday. Then again, if Newcastle can't kick our asses maybe the plan is to just bruise them a little bit.

And it's back to the tennis where Dynamite Dan has some breaking news...



Gav Pearson could be the cure to a chilly Sunday morning as he gets ready to report on W2 footy at Coach Lane. GP is our very own doctor of the dictionary...




It's tee time and what a beautiful scene. Let's hope Northumbria shatter the calm with a thumping win in the golf:




We've got TN Media's very own Man Maungtain, Oscar Maung Haley, at the Stan Calvert badminton - a competition that once featured TN Media Team alumnus Andy 'Persistent' Fowler. Now there's a blast from the past. Handy Andy has since moved on to the BBC in Manchester following a stint at the Newcastle Chronicle and continues to prove that it's possible to forge a career in mainstream media despite a nasty habit for multiple clauses and profligate punctuation.



11AM: And the state of play is...

...W2 Footy just about to kick off at Coach Lane.

M3 Basketball take 104-43 WIN!

Northumbria's fourth seed WINS his rubber in Tennis.

Elliott Corbel and Matt Patterson in action at Sport Central in Badminton.


...and breathe! Looks like the Tennis team can relax but the pressure's on the golfers as our esteemed leader heads over to Close House. Fingers crossed it's the only thing that's close as far as today's golf is concerned. 




What a bunch of happy chappies. Well done to M3 Basketball as they blow away their hosts and get Stan Calvert Sunday off to an absolute flier!



If anyone is following the Man Maungtain's Twitter feed (@TNMediaOscar) you'll no doubt share my concern that he's peaking far too soon. And if he's forgotten his phone charger he's dust. Stan Calvert Sunday is a marathon, rather than a sprint, and he'll wear out his fingertips if he doesn't stop tweeting soon. It's fair to say TN Badminton have never had such a sustained amount of coverage - ever. Let's see how Ossie's getting on in a couple of hours as digit fatigue sets in and he runs out of anything meaningful to say.


11.10am SCORE UPDATE: Northumbria 41 Newcastle 13


Update from the Tennis where Dynamite Dan is making quite a racket:





M3 Basketball Captain CJ Omego on the win: "We played well but the opposition weren't really up to much. It's the same every year - this is my third Stan Calvert and third win in the fixture. I think Joe Drady was our MVP today." 

Typically Teutonic, the first of the TN Media Team's crack German imports is the embodiement of efficiency and reliabilty. Let me introduce you to Patrick 'The Trickster' Dalacker. He's our man at the fencing and he's foiling good:



Is it just me or does that fencing picture scream potential health and safety disaster? The lady in black looks  hell bent on walking right into the middle of a full-on fight. Somebody stop her...NOW!

This just in from the GP and it loos like that Stan Calvert scoreboard could be looking even healthier very soon...



TN Media's very own Sue Barker brings us the latest from the Stan Calvert Tennis:



After M3 Basketball's brilliant win the Battering Ram (@TNMediaJohnR) has switched his attention to M2 hoops. Looks like this one could be a little tighter but it would be rather comforting to see Newcastle introduce a competitive edge to Stan Calvert 2018 at this late stage. Surely someone over there still cares?



And while we're on the subject of basketball those of you who checked in earlier will recall the Newcastle benches from a bygone era. This seating was originally introduced to British schools around the 1950s but Newcastle's bargain hunters clearly bagged a job lot some decades ago as they sought to furnish their Richardson Road sports centre. Of course you have to make home advantage count on Stan Calvert Sunday...but you also have to remember to hide the comfy seating from your resourceful opponents. 




Northumbria lead 3-0 in the Tennis (follow @TNMediaDan). 

Newcastle have just WON the M2 Badminton doubles (follow @TNMediaOscar).

Northumbria M2 Basketball trail by a point heading into Q2 (follow @TNMediaJohnR).

Newcastle WON first Fencing event of the day 45-17 (follow @TNMediaPatrick). 

Northumbria lead 1-0 at half-time in W2 Football at Coach Lane (follow @TNMediaGav).

Women's singles and doubles Badminton happening NOW at Sport Central (follow @TNMediaBenedict)

After eight holes of M1 Golf Northumbria up in five, down in one.


There's always a good Tweet in Davey Jones' locker and this - using the word 'unassailable' - is one of his best:




At the half in M2 Basketball and the visitors have only gone and taken the lead! Come on boys! #Benchgate



As expected the Man Maungtain is feeling the heat and it's not even 12.30! Inexperience is a cruel teacher and although he's still firing out more tweets than the entire Kardashian clan combined it's inevitable that wor Ossie will hit the wall anytime soon. Having said that he probably is lying when he says he's stretched pints and a curry last night would suggest he's going the other way.



Update from the basketball court and it looks like M2 are putting those numb bums behind them... #Benchgate



Time to introduce another of the Media Team's 2017/18 German signings: Matthias Kühling. The Kühling Tower has been backing up Dynamite Dan at the Tennis but now he's hot footing it to Sport Central. In Germany empty platforms are, of course, about as common as a Newcastle University win in the Stan Calvert Cup. But you've got to admire our man for trying. He might make it 'home' in time for the M1 Futsal at 5pm...



If only our GP could prescribe a second goal at Coach Lane...oh, hang on...what's this...



Dynamite Dan exploding with pride as Northumbria blow away the opposition in today's Stan Calvert Tennis. As John McEnroe would say: "You cannot be serious." Fact is, Mac, Newcastle have not been serious about Stan Calvert for a few years now.




The Trickster checking in from Sport Central where Northumbria's fencers are making their point. I'll take a wild stab in the dark here and say we'll take this one...



Completing TN Media's hat-trick of German imports TN Media's 'Big' Ben Esser joins the fray. If the Stan Calvert Cup goes to penalties this year then we'll be fine...



Too many puns and I put the kiss of death on our Fencing stars. Apologies.



Did half of the Newcastle team go for Sunday lunch in the final quarter? Or did Northumbria just deliver one of basketball's greatest periods? M2 Basketball follow M3 and take the points. #Benchgate



AMBER Warning: Whiteley's women WIN!

It's all over in the W2 Footy at Coach Lane and it's another huge win for Northumbria. Seeing off Newcastle - and a biting south easterly wind - our girls dominated from start to finish. Yet another nail in Newcastle's Stan Calvert Cup 2018 coffin. 



1pm:  Northumbria 46 Newcastle 14

W2 Football WIN!

Tennis roaring towards victory.

Badminton 5-1 up.

Fencing 2-0 down.

M2 Basketball WIN!

M1 Lacrosse underway at Bullocksteads.

Golf ongoing at Close House.


Badminton captain Beth Grundy: “We didn’t expect to get a draw off Newcastle but we played some of the best doubles I’ve ever seen - I’m extremely happy with the result.”

M2 Basketball captain Zak Whelan: "We tried to come out intense in the first quarter but in fairness they came out harder, but by the third quarter we were on top and going into the fourth it was just fun. Mohammed 'Mo Buckets' Ghazwan was the MVP for me.”

M2 Badminton’s Matthew Patterson: "I played quite nervous at the start, verging on shaking! But I think that with the support of everybody who's came down here today to cheer us on has really helped us get the win!"

And so to the inevitable burnout as the Man Maungtain is reduced to nothing more than a molehill by the bulldozer that is Stan Calvert. The former TN Intern of the Month started off like a train and finished up more like the mobility scooter of TN Media. He was warned. He's already written one essay on badminton today - our sympathies go out to the poor people who have to read the next one 'the Britain's position during the American civil war'. The Britain? 



He blasted his way behind enemy lines earlier today and now the Battering Ram has left the benches of the basketball court for the tables of the ping pong arena. Negotiating more pieces of vintage furniture than you'd find at a Barker & Stonehouse (where Newcastle students furnish their flats) warehouse sale, our man on the far side of the Civic Centre divide is on a winning run. For now.



Having resisted the temptation to roll out another raft of Fencing-related puns it looks like there was a long overdue poke in the eye for those over-confident Newcastle sorts. Fantastic fightback from the hosts!



Could these celebrations be described as muted?



Just as we feared Dynamite Dan had disappeared off the face of the earth (more likely he ran out of battery and had to plead with a Newcastle tennis player to borrow a charger) he's back with all of the post-match reaction from Northumbria Tennis coach Sean Damer. 



Tennis coach Sean Damer: "We have won all four singles, with the exception of the third one, all of them were pretty tight. Although we knew a bit about Newcastle last year and they retained some of their players, I think their number one wasn't available which perhaps just tipped the balance in our favour. It could have potentially gone either way so I think we have done well mentally to win in straight sets. I'm really pleased with everyone's attitude. It's a good start and it means we can enjoy the doubles a little bit." 

And the good news just keeps on coming from Dynamite Dan:



This just in from the Kühling Tower - looking forward to hearing Garrylee's glowing verdict!



2013...the year Margaret Thatcher passed away, Prince George of Cambridge was born, Benedict XVI resigned as Pope, Justin Rose won the US Open, Chelsea won the Champions League, Girls Aloud called it quits and Newcastle University last won the Stan Calvert Cup. #HistoryLesson


2pm: Northumbria 50 Newcastle 16

Newcastle heading for Table Tennis victory.

Northumbria Netball firsts lead in opening match of the day.

Northumbria Badminton stroll to victory.

W1 Lacrosse LOSE.

Golf ongoing.

Squash underway.



Dynamite Dan still going strong at the Tennis as the men's doubles gets underway...



Looks like the Battering Ram has got some company at the Newcastle University Sports Centre as Director Stromsoy drops in to throw his weight behind the Northumbria effort. The man who pledged to turn our Stan Calvert record around six years ago must be loving a truly Strominant performance. Colossal, you could say. 



Fantastic news from the squash court:



Sandwiched in between two tough NSL away trips it's a big ask for the netball firsts to fight for Stan Calvert points...but they're doing just that. Incredible effort.



In all honesty luck doesn't really come into it when you're 8-1 down but our friends at The Courier are doing a fantastic job putting a positive spin on a truly dreadful day for Newcastle. We feel their pain: 2008-2013 gave a whole new meaning to the phrase 'optimistic slant'.



Just in: M1 Lacrosse WIN 13-2!

Badminton player coach Garrylee McMullen: "We always want to beat our rivals Newcastle. It‘s nice to get a win for the whole University. A few of our players were nervous at the start because we had quite a few people watching today. I was definitely shaking on one of my first serves. But I think the crowd was really good and supportive."

Well I've never been able to report this before my tea but OMG!



Mr Motivator reflects on a fifth successive Stan Calvert Cup win in the only way he can. #Strominant #Colossal



3pm: Northumbria 58 Newcastle 20

Northumbria declared 2018 Stan Calvert Cup champions

M1 Golf WIN 4-2

M1 Table Tennis LOSE

Ultimate Frisbee lead 8-2 at half-time

W1 Squash WIN 4-1

M1 Fencing LOSE

Netball firsts lead heading into final quarter


Dynamite Dan is on fire...



It might be business as usual as Northumbria bag a fifth successive Stan Calvert title but now it's all about bagging a record points total. And the Kühling Tower has already been Bowled over at the M2 Futsal...



Netball firsts get in on the act with a massive win at Newcastle. Seconds and thirds still to come...



So the GP is back in the house and he's hoping to bring our table tennis stars back from the dead:



Looks like it could all be kicking off at Sport Central. The Kühling Tower does not like indiscipline. Not one bit. Expect a flurry of critical tweets if this goes on.



Lunch? You don't get time to eat on Stan Calvert Sunday. It's times like this when the very future of UK journalism is called into question. The Battering Ram will only escape serious censure if he can prove he washed down his sarnie with at least four bottles of Brown Ale. It's important to keep some traditions alive. #SportsJourno



Just a selection of words mined from Director Stromsoy's last three motivational tweets: 'awesome', 'immense', 'amazing'. He's upping his game as we speak. #Strominant #Colossal 

Now these lads really do look proud as punch after claiming the Ultimate victory of Stan Calvert Sunday. What made the win extra special was that at least half of the team agreed to play with their eyes shut in order to give Newcastle a fighting chance.



Looks like the GP's arrival has, indeed, given Northumbria Table Tennis a shot in the arm. Note to would-be sports journalists: avoid covering any sports popular with Greeks. Spellcheck just doesn't cope.



Latest from the Battering Ram who appears to be back on track with a full stomach. Say hello if you see him - he's the one with a box of Mr Kipling cakes, a large bag of Kettle chips and a Pot Noodle. He'll be taking a food break anytime soon.



Latest from M2 Futsal. Our number nine looks like a bit of a unit.




4pm: Northumbria 64 Newcastle 20

M2 Golf WIN 4-2

M1 Ultimate WIN 11-3

W1 Netball WIN 52-31

W3 Netball winning

Tennis closing in on big win 

M2 Table Tennis winning

M2 Futsal winning


And the GP did it! Our man Gav sees M2 Table Tennis pull off a brilliant win:



A great day indeed:



Exciting stuff as the Kühling Tower as our man at Sport Central brings you the dramatic conclusion of M2 Futsal's clash with Newcastle:



Dynamite Dan getting cosy with the parents over at the Northumberland Club. Love it. #TNFamily



A veteran of Stan Calvert competition and one of the true heroes of Northumbria Sport. Don't believe in God? Believe in Godbold.



Cutting. Savage. Classic Simmonite:



Back from his latest tea break and the Battering Ram's suddenly found an appetite for funny tweets...



Now GP's surgery welcomes the women's table tennis team. Can his miracle cure keep on working for the ladies...



The Kühling Tower marks a spectacular Stan Calvert debut with a big Futsal win!



Never a man to waste his words, former TN Media Intern Dom Scurr delivers a concise appraisal of today's victory:



He's given up on the GIFs but the Battering Ram has remained right behind Northumbria Netball thirds this afternoon. When he wasn't stuffing his face.



Content alert: expect a grater proiportion of typoes duirng the next few minuts as I try and multi-tsak - watching TN Men's Basketball in the finak qaurter of there NBL Trophey finakl. Apolugies on advance.


5pm: Northumbria 70 Newcastle 22

Tennis closing in on clean sweep.

M2 Table Tennis WIN 11-6.

M2 Futsal WIN 5-3.

Netball thirds WIN 46-31

M1 Squash lose.

Netball seconds underway.

Women's Table Tennis ongoing.

M1 Futsal about to kick off at Sport Central.

Trophy presentation will follow full-time at M1 Futsal.


Tea and bicuits. Check. Banana. Check. Packet of Haribo. Check. The Battering Ram is ready for some more Netball...



Looks like everyone's taking a break. Even 'Big' Ben Esser has been putting his feet up, chilling out and soaking up his first experience of Stan Calvert. Let's hope he can warm up again in time for the final fixture of the day:



It's party time at Sport Central! Celebrations in full swing...



Looks like another netball win on the cards:



Table Tennis action continues...



With Northumbria on the brink of a famous clean sweep in the Tennis coach Sean Damer said: "Sam and Ronny will go on to play county level tennis and it's a real bonus for us to have them in the team. Last year without the second team it was really tough for the guys to stay motivated because the first team was so strong. You can see today what a difference [the second team] has made. Newcastle mens are in our league and we have played them twice this year and won. The scoreline didn't really reflect the closeness. It was tight, but today their number one isn't playing. I think they have a few first years playing for them so I'm thinking in years to come it's going to be a good few seasons for them." 


'Big' Ben brings us the latest from a buzzing Sport Central:



And Lewis Yeomans fires M1 Futsal 2-1 up in what's already looking like a belter of a final Stan Calvert fixture at Sport Central! 

Battering Ram may have invaded Newcastle University's Sports Centre but it's quite clear he's yet to gain control of the venue. Forced to sit on the floor, this morning's battered old school bench suddenly looks like the height of comfort. #Benchgate



Just what the doctor ordered. TN's GP oversees two Table Tennis victories and enjoys a winning debut on the Media Team.



Looks like this year's Stan Calvert finale fixture is living up to all of the pre-match expectations. Still time to roar on the M1 Futsal lads in the second half at Sport Central!



And Rui Martins has converted a penalty on the stroke of half-time to give Northumbria M1 Futsal a 5-4 lead!


6pm: Northumbria 74 Newcastle 22

M1 Futsal lead 5-4 heading into the second half.

M1 Tennis WIN their singles match. Women up next.

W1 Table Tennis celebrate 3-2 WIN.

Netball seconds close in on easy win.


Tennis coach Sean Damer tells Dynamite Dan that Northumbrie women's tennis top seed is 'stuck in London' and he's waiting to see if she'll turn up. Talk about leaving it until the last minute...but you can't beat  a bit of added tension.


In truth anyone who manages to catch a glimpse of TN's GP 'running' anywhere is in for a treat. This could very well be THE performance of Stan Calvert 2018. Video footage will be gratefully received and distributed widely...



And that's a wrap from the Netball. Great work from the Battering Ram but I bet he'll be feeling a bit peckish now. It's at least 45 minutes since he grabbed a bite to eat. He's more like Gordon Ramsay than Johnathan Ramsay. Fingers crossed his mouth's not full when he's conducting the post-match interviews (which he'll probably opt to undertake in the nearest McDonald's). 



At least Newcastle's Futsal players appear to be going out with a fight...



I knew something was missing from today's feed...we haven't featured nearly enough animals. Thanks to Dan 'Dr Dolittle' Simmonite for this cute snap:



Meanwhile at thre M1 Futsal Jack Gunn fores the hosts into an 8-6 lead! 

The problem with the Stan Calvert Cup is that the business end of the competition always clashes with Countryfile.

So it looks like TN's GP made it to Sport Central after sprinting across from Newcastle Sports Centre. Typical of so many unseen triumphs at the heart of an incredible competition.



We might have retained the trophy hours ago but there's no end to the drama on Stan Calvert Sunday as the W1 Tennis number one arrives from London just in time to make an impact! Incredible scenes.



'Big' Ben getting ready to call time on Newcastle...



Your Stan Calvert Sport Central action is over for another year. Always feels good to finish on a win. Just waiting for the wrap on Tennis and that will be that for another year.






Tennis started at 9am...and they're still going strong. Somebody buy coach Damer and Dynamite Dan a cold beer.






Still waiting for the final word on Tennis...hoping Dynamite Dan's still out there somewhere...

Tennis? Anyone?

Or should that be anyone for Tennis?

Just heard a rumour Tennis is still going...six hours after Northumbria won the Stan Calvert Cup! But it's only a rumour as Dynamite Dan has disappeared without trace. I just want to go to bed. 

9pm: And the state of play is...

...I'm none the wiser. This is supposed to be Tennis, not Test cricket.

With no sign of a Tennis result anytime soon I'm signing off from the Stan Calvert 2018 feed. It's been a pleasure. Until the next time. 

But wait...W1 Tennis WON 8-4! So that's 80-22 overall. And with that I bid you goodnight :)


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